Тексты песен «Dane Cook»

One thing that I've always wanted to do ever since I was little, I've always wanted to be abducted by a UFO. Yeah sometimes, I just go hang out in the woods. I'm just waiting for that blue light (UFO noise) AHHHHHH...

Had to use a public restroom today... ugh. Isn't that the worst when you have to? Godamnit... you j walk in, right. Here's the first thing, I don't care. Anywhere in the country you go, why when you walk into a...

We love car accidents in this country. We're obsessed with car accidents! I know your like me, it's like 2 in the morning, it's dead quiet. Your in you're house watching tv, your in bed. All of a sudden outside at...

There are certain sounds in this world, that when you hear them, they make you react in different ways. There are certain sounds that when it floats into your eardrum - and it goes high into your cerebellum - located...

I grew up Catholic, Catholic. Every Sunday, every Sunday my dad made us get up and go to mass and you had to get there what? Quarter of five in the morning. Ya know because you wanted good seats. There were so many...

You know what I hate, the one thing I hated growing up. I hated being tickled. Tickling's the worst. Cuz it started out fun. Right? "Tickling, lets tickle! ' started fun ended horribly. Didn't it always escalade the...

When I was a little kid I thought I wanted to be a fireman. I think a lot of guys- Did you wanna be a fireman when You were a little kid? People ask you... What do you want to be? I wanna be a FIREMAN! I didn't really...

When I was a little kid I thought I wanted to be a fireman. I think a lot of guys- Did you wanna be a fireman when You were a little kid? People ask you... What do you want to be? I wanna be a FIREMAN! I didn't...

When I was a little kid, I had- I shared everything I had. I had one brother alright one brother, five sisters. Dude, I had to wear a tampon just to fit in. I swear to god. Brutal. They used to dress me in their...

When did you run away? How is it far from here? Only look back when the futures not so clear. Wondering around the room. Everythings in its space. I'm the only thing that dosen't fit in this place. Whom I supposed to...

I've been swearing a lot lately. Ever go through those modes where you just can't help but swear All the time? Fuck is like the best word ever. It really is. It's perfect. It's just FUCK. I's cuz it's got the ffff...

You always want head. We love it. We always have to watch, right. Right. And if you've got a lot of hair we fucking turn into Vidal Sasoon All of a sudden. We got like scrunchies, banana clips comin out of nowhere...

You are the one everyone wants to be I am the one they say, "I'm glad that's not me." When I go to sleep, I dream about you When you go to sleep, I bet you dream about you, too Your life is filled with good times and...

The other day, I don't know if you've ever gotten this, it was about 2:30 In the afternoon. I got the itchy-est asshole I've ever gotten on record. And I keep a record of my itchy assholes. May 14, 1985, I had a very...

My friends took me out the other night. They were like "Dude we gotta go out man. Let's go." I was like, "I don't wanna go out." "Come on dude. Let's go get some chicks!" Yea? Just like that? What about that whole...

There are some things I have learned in my recent past that Im excited to share with you tonight, and one thing Ive realized is that we all want to leave behind a legacy; we all want to be remembered for something. And...

I'll tell you what dream used to scare me when I was a little kid Used to actually totally give me nightmares: Remember those kool-aid commercials? Where that, no, that talking bowl of punch He would come crashing...

I had that game Operation, remember that game Operation? Big naked white guy. He had no pee pee at all. He had no.. Bigok, no scrumdidly-umptious.. no cash and prizes. He was like that guy from Silence of the Lambs,...

I was over at your a... I went to one of these malls. You got a big mall going on over there. The galleria there. Holy Shit! I went over to the mall. I, I had to park nearby in a parking structure. You know when...

uh..OOh . You're gonna have a little baby? Oh you're pretty far a long there. What ah how long? You wanna have him right now? Can we force it or something? You think he can hear me right now? You know like some people...